Stupid British Laws

Last March, I posted some old, stupid laws that my homestate of Iowa still has on the books.  I did some internet searching and found that Great Britain had some rather ridiculous laws as well.  This makes Iowa look a little bit better (If that is possible).  Here are 10 weird laws they have in England.  My question to the lawmakers in Great Britain and in Iowa: WHY DON'T YOU JUST ABOLISH THESE STUPID LAWS? 

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
   What the hell are they going to do to you if you do die in Parliament?  YOU ARE ALREADY DEAD!!!!  This may go down as one of the stupidest laws of all time! 
2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down.
   This is kind of funny -- You can't hang her upside down, but there is nothing about not being able to draw a moustache, glasses and devil horns on the Queen’s portrait. So long as she’s right side up you can have her smoking a stogie and flipping the bird and you will be ok.  Interesting...
3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store.
   So you can be topless while selling fish?  There are so many jokes I could do, but this is a PG-13 blog, so I better back off.  Who the Hell comes up with these laws?
4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day.
   DAMN!!!  This sucks!  I love mince pies on Christmas!  Guess I won't be spending Christmas in England anytime soon.  BTW- Mince pies have nothing to do with meat, the are a fruit filled pie.
   I read that this law was made to deal with the deadly sin of "gluttony". But why single out the mince pie anyway? You can stuff a whole turkey in your mouth and that is fine? A turkey dripping with grease and stuffing? But have a mince pie and you’re pushing the limits!  You know one little mincemeat pie is worse than 2 pounds of turkey!
5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter.
   Glad I am not from Scotland because I would never, ever let a total stranger use my toilet.  I guess I would be spending alot of time in Jail if I were Scottish. 
6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet.                                                                                                                                             I would love to see this one!!!  This is actually quite courteous of the government.
7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen.
   If I were the King, I don't think I would want it.  And why does the tail go to the queen?  Is that some kind of inference to the queen's booty?  Does the British Queen always have a "Whale-sized" booty?  And just how often do whales wash ashore in England? And what about times like now when there is no King?  Who gets the head?  Prince Charles?
8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing.
   That one is a little complicated to understand.  So I could say “I’m 77 you know! I have mumps and the plague. I like the color purple! This survey is undies! My son is called Austin. I live in my car!”  Don't see the point of it, but it is kind of fun. 
9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour.
   I guess that ruined my idea for YouTube video when I go to London!
10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow.
    I think the Scots may be staying away from York for awhile.  BTW - How many Scots still carry a bow and Arrow?