Now clearly our leaders have been trying to do… things. But seriously, does anyone actually think that it will work? No. And you know why not. Because the problems in this country boil down to one thing. Freedom.
I know, I know, “Hold on there a second, Mister. What do you mean messing with our freedom and all?Well, it’s basically like this. I am beginning to think that the majority of us are just too stupid to handle freedom. Freedom allows people to do what they want. And as we all know, what we want is never good for us. Hence, all this freedom has got to go. I know this is a radical idea and goes against the grain, but hear me out...
Now I’ve heard a lot of talk lately about our President, and how a lot of people say he’s a socialist. I disagree based on the fact that he has no balls. I do agree that he is a Liberal, but being a liberal does not necessarily make you a Socialist. Now liberals with balls, they would be classified as Socialists.
So, what we really need is one of those no-pussyfooting around old school Socialist leaders. They would know how to cut through all this freedom crap and get at the root of the problem. Of course, you might be thinking, “Aren’t there still several socialist leaders out there.” Sure there are, but most of them are more than lacking in the manhood department (Look no further than Chavez in Venezuela).
Canada has always been weak (Sorry to all my Canadian Friends, but most of you will admit that). France hasn’t had a pair since WWII, and even then they were little dinky ones. Italy never really had any (Mussolini talked the talked, but when it got time to act, he couldn't walk the walk). Cuba looks like it’s getting soft now that Raul is in power. Even Russia and China have gone wimpy. Only that guy in North Korea has still got a set… even though he looks like a funny cartoon character all strung out on crack.
So what would happen, say if I was the most awesome socialist leader with the biggest set of gonads the world has ever seen?
First problem. Health care. This one is in the news a lot right now, and of course our limp-wristed leaders will do the usual and make a screwed up mess even worse. But if you remove freedom from the equation, the answer is simple. Make fast/processed food and cigarettes illegal. Everyone eats healty and they stop smoking. (sure there would be a black market for these items, but it still would drastically cut down on sickness) Done. Next problem.
Dependence on foreign oil/energy prices/global warming and the rest of the imagined crisises. Easy. Make cars illegal.see how easy this is. And the beauty is how they all tie together. If cars are illegal people will have to walk or bike, and therefore get exercise improving their health. For long distance travel, have collective cars, buses and trains. Problem solved. I am the Man!!!
Of course you are probably wondering what I’ll do with all the cry-babies walking around whining about being out of work and their feet hurting. Relax people, I’ve got this problem covered. I will put them to work for my Government. They will work long hours and get low pay, but at least they will be working!!
Well, get to work America. We’re doing things right this time. A real rail system that is on time and fast and doesn’t wreck. Build it. An energy grid that doesn’t have black outs and can handle the new energy demands and power sources from my massive nuclear power plants. Nuclear Power, you say? Yes! Because nukes are for people with balls.
Every year we spend billions on repairing lines just so that they can be knocked down again by every tree limb and ice storm or tornado that happens to come along. Do I really have to figure this out for you people? Bury the lines. You, over there, rubbing your swollen feet. You wanna eat today? Then get a shovel and shut up.
Look at Georgia. They’ve just come out of 5 year drought. Meanwhile we’ve had flooding in several other states, some bordering Georgia. How hard can this be? You mean to tell me we can build a pipeline for oil all the way from Alaska but we can’t get water from one state to another? What has the Corps of Engineers been doing the last 50 years anyway? Forget the Great Wall of China. We’ll build the biggest Waterslide/Aqueduct System the earth has ever seen. It will be the envy of the world!
I’m sure everyone is tired of hearing about the economy. Our president seems to think you can just print and talk the problem away. But this is the kind of thing you can expect from someone who was born without balls. This has become such a colossal mess, but really the best solution is the easiest. No more money. None. Nothing. Nada. Nil. Redistribution of wealth is for pansies! Remove the problem once and for all.
As for all the idle automobile factories, they’ll be part of the military, retooled to build my army of giant robots. Not another American will die in war again… unless they get stepped on buy my big robots. Every giant robot will be equipped with a large set of, you guessed it, BALLS! Just in case there is any doubt.
I could go on and on, but obviously you have seen the light of my brilliance and are even now wondering how we can make it happen. Well comrades, it’s simple. Lay down your freedom, join me, and grab your balls.
Now I am sure I will get some nasty emails or comments, so let me just say that this is tongue in cheek. I better spell it out for some of you so you don't think I am a big-balled socialist (I do have balls, but not socialist balls). I am actually a moderate. I don't go too far left or right. I just wanted to illustrate what a Socialist United States would look like. Sorry if I offended anyone, but Get Over It!
I hope to God that the above scenario I just wrote will never happen. If I do run for President, I am sure some stupid journalist will use this post against me. So enjoy it while you can because I will have to delete it if I decide to run for President. :)
By The Way! I do have a big pair of Balls! I am gutsy and will do what it takes! Viva los cajones!!!
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